How to treat a Scar

Scars are among the most hated things in the world. Some scars are physical. Some scars are emotional. People’s desperate desire to wipe away a scar earns millions for many an industry. Scars are treated with contempt.

I have a few scars to show for my 28 years on this earth. Suture scars from childhood falls, stray scars from the occasional zit, scars from cooking mishaps and most recently, a large scar from a surgery.  And then there are the emotional scars. They are in various shapes and sizes and really, too many to list out.

Scars are nasty little things. Like everyone else, I would’ve liked nothing better than to be scar free. But since this is wishful thinking, I followed the well beaten path of scar treatments – various treatments ranging from natural packs to scrubs to medicated creams. And thank God for my favourite brand of makeup – MAC. But no matter the magical management balms, it would be better if scars simply did not exist.

It wasn’t until recently that my perspective on scars got a permanent overhaul.

My older daughter arrived in this world without me suffering a scar. It was a blessing to me, as it is to any low-rise-jeans-sporting-mother, to have dodged a c-section birth. Little did I know that, 4 yrs later, my second little girl would arrive via an emergency c-section and worse still, she would pass away three days later. I found myself shattered on every level imaginable and left to move on. And move on while displaying strength and character in keeping with the image my 4 yr old princess holds of me. A line from one of my favourite songs goes like this, ‘I see who I want to be, In my daughter’s eyes’. I now understand the depth of these profound lyrics.

The emotional scars are always the worst but fortunately, the mirror doesn’t present these to you everyday. What the mirror does present, however, is a large, deep and swollen physical scar – a horrifying physical reminder that I’ve had a baby and that she isn’t here. She will never be here. An everyday reminder of a very harsh reality. The negatives it represented were paralyzing – loss, pain, failure, desolation, unanswered questions, unfinished work, lost dreams, doubts for the future and a whole range of other deeper issues. I never ever imagined that a cut with twenty staples could shake my very foundations and make me fear my own shadow.

Being in my predicament, I tottered along and did the only thing that has always helped me face another day – I prayed. I was also constantly covered in prayer by my well wishers. And then the answer came.

One day, just out off the shower, I caught a glimpse of this surgical terror in the bathroom mirror. And do you know, there was an instantaneous transformation of my heart and mind. God – this entity that so many question – not only exists but also speaks. He speaks into the depths of our hearts and He speaks most clearly when we have reached the end of our rope. My heart did not fill with fear. Instead, it was bursting with words like love, strength, victory, endurance, perseverance, survival, purpose and even hope! The person, I believe, who gave me this revelation was nailed to a cross and His scars stand for all of these things and more.

This was a defining moment in my journey to learning how to live and dream again.

Every scar is a lesson learned. The scar on my forehead taught me never to do funky things on high walls. The scar on my chin taught me not to ride my bicycle down a flight of stairs. The scar from a zit doesn’t touch my soul – beauty is, after all, only skin deep. And this most significant scar, a previous source of torment, is really something to be proud of. I endured, I persevered, I loved, I hoped, I sacrificed and I braved. I did everything I could to give my baby the best shot at survival. And most importantly, being able to wear this scar means that I survived the storm. I survive the storm everyday.The victory was not as I had hoped but it still is a victory. This scar has taught me to value the little things.

And what about the scars that we cannot see? Those ones are the deepest. Here’s what I have learned – the only cure for the scars of the heart is love. Allow yourself to be loved and allow yourself to love someone else. Don’t rubbish another person’s scars just because you think you are further along in your journey than they are. Each of us travel different paths. It’s best to respect everyone because some paths are much harder than others. And interestingly, it is not up to us to judge which path is hardest.

I’m not advocating seeking out a scar. Scars find us. And when they do, it’s how we regard them that, ultimately, makes or breaks  us. Our perception defines who we become. It is a daily struggle to hold on to a positive perception but it’s worth giving it our best shot. I give it my best shot everyday. And when I fail, and I fail often enough, I get up and try harder the next day – with a little help from my friends!

Scars are not to be treated with bitterness, contempt, resignation, alcohol, drugs or suicide; though these are easy options to choose. Scars are to be treated with respect, pride and best of all, with the love of God. They are lessons learned, a purpose fulfilled, battles survived and a journey well on it’s way. And for the tiny scratches on the surface, there’s always MAC!