“I love being at home, I love being a mother to my child, I wouldn’t want to spend one hour a day with my child and rush off to work, why did I have her? She is not a puppy; I want to be there for her as a mother.”
These were the words spoken by Indian celebrity wife Mira Rajput in a recent interview. Social media went to war against her for this. I’ve watched, with increasing amusement, as all the “empowered” folk pulled out their giant scissors’ to cut her down to size.
I had and still have a working mother. According to Mira Rajput, this would make me a Puppy-Child. However, my mum never treated me like a puppy nor did I ever feel like one. Our circumstances required my mum to work and that was my “normal” growing up. I am very proud of my mum – Dr. Maj. Pauline Domingo. Till this day, she works very hard, sacrifices much and always gives me the very best of everything – this includes the best parts of herself and her time. As a child, did I sometimes wish that mum didn’t have to work? Sure! Did I wish that her work timings would allow her to be home when I got back from school? Sure! But did I ever feel like a puppy? Never! My mum did a fantastic job keeping her priorities in order. I was always number #1.
I am now a mum and I have chosen differently. My circumstances allow me to stay home until my kids are old enough to manage without me. Do my kids have a better childhood than I did? No. This is purely because Motherhood is a tricky thing. Every mother does her best for her kids and yet it is never picture-perfect. This is mostly because mums are human and motherhood is a very tough gig.
This brings me to words that Mira spoke at the same interview which were obviously and conveniently overlooked, “Empowerment means you have the right to choose. So it’s my choice if I want to be at home. And it’s someone else’s choice if they want to be a working mother. But both are equally valid and neither of them should be shamed.”
I have no personal interest in Mira Rajput but as with everything else in life, it’s always best to read the whole chapter. No doubt she employed some poorly chosen words in her bid to express her personal choices but the backlash has been beyond outrageous – maybe cut her some slack? It certainly makes you marvel at what a high-strung society we’ve become. I remember people taking pot shots at my mum because she had to leave me and go to work. Mum just left them to talk and run out of breath. Now people take pot shots at me for having many degrees to my name and yet choosing to be a stay-at-home-mum. I’ve become quite used to certain people dishing out insults wrapped in a hug. It’s a struggle, but I’m slowly learning the important lesson that mum modelled for me – your identity depends exclusively on your perception of yourself. It has nothing to do with how others perceive you. Empowerment is all about finding your identity and unashamedly holding on to it with a “Live and let live attitude”.
With true empowerment, as with any true power, comes responsibility. Part of that responsibility is knowing which battles to engage in and which ones to walk away from. I was once a puppy-child. I was and am the proudest puppy-child on the planet. So what if someone thinks of your kid as a puppy-child? Unless your child has started to grow fur and a tail, I wouldn’t be too concerned. If you’re a mum – working or not – you’re awesome because your job sometimes demands superhuman powers. At the end of the day, the only people whose opinions matter would be violently wagging their tails every time you walk through the door – if only they had one!
– Melissa Domingo
16 Mar 2017